MEMORY

She knew she was dreaming but she was powerless to wake herself. She'd been having the dream nearly every night since the KORT Ball... that magical night when she'd danced in Vinman's arms for hours, forgetting everything that came before. Like a demon, the dream tormented her each night, punishing her for her deliberate attempts at forgetting...

She was walking through darkness, pulled along by a strong hand in hers. The Neverwinter Woods were silent, the calm unbroken even by the movement of Kal Mirage just ahead of her. She followed him with slow, plodding steps that contrasted with his own graceful, silent movement. The grief, anger, and shame that had made her return to the Gallant Prince and surrender to him again were now gone... replaced with only a calm detachment, a sense that she was on her way to fulfill a distasteful, yet inevitable task. Of course that feeling brought memories of the pages' stable duties and especially of the stall occupied by Sir Corwin's mount. She giggled, a strange sound that seemed to echo in the silent woods. Kal Mirage looked back at her, frowning, and pulled her along more quickly.

She didn't ask him where they were going... she found that she didn't really care. But she knew immediately by the change in his attitude when they had arrived. She could feel an evil glee almost vibrating through his skin when he drew her into a thick brush, completely obscured from the view of anyone who might appear on the path. He released her, obviously having no concern that she would try to flee. And she didn't. She only stood there, watching him as he peered at a small cottage completely hidden in the trees. Eventually his fascination with the house stirred a mild curiosity within her and she moved up next to him to look. It seemed to be what he was waiting for. He wrapped an arm around her waist and pulled her forward toward the house, chuckling.

The only entrance was an archway surrounded by strange drawings and symbols that Jo had never seen before. There was no door but the archway was not exactly empty either. It glowed with an eerie orange light that made Joraina feel sick when she looked into it. She was suddenly filled with intense fear and dread. She thought she would rather die than be dragged into that light.

Mirage gazed directly into the light, his skin discolored by its glow as he raised one hand and spoke several words in a gutteral growl. The light vanished immediately and they stood before the open archway, peering into a room that Jo found just as frightening.

The walls were covered with weapons... horrible inventions of strange metals that contained powers and purposes Jo did not even want to imagine. Yet each time she looked at a weapon she immediately saw its potential in vivid flashes of battle scenes that appeared in her mind... filled with blood and terrified screams. She spun around, trying to tear her gaze away from the horrible weapons, but everywhere she looked her eyes fell upon the twisted inventions, filling her mind with grisly scenes that explained their use. She could barely breathe and she felt the floor rushing up at her as she struggled for enough air to scream.

His arms surrounded her before she could faint and he whispered to her, "Close your eyes."

She squeezed her eyes shut, amazed that she had needed his suggestion before she could do it. He guided her across the floor until she was standing in a short narrow doorway. She could feel the top of the door brushing against her hair. A man the size of Kal Mirage would have to duck to pass through the door. But Mirage made no move to pass through.

"Don't move," he said. She opened her eyes slowly and saw only him... his face so close to hers that she could feel his breath on her lips... his eyes locked with hers. She drew a slow deep breath to calm herself and Mirage smiled. "Just stay there."

He moved away from her and she watched as he began sorting through the weapons, carefully choosing items and slipping them into his bag. Robbery, she thought with amazement. That's all? He dragged me along with him to steal weapons from some sick craftsman? Surely the "gods" of KAAOS are capable of producing their own weapons. But, looking around at the assortment of devices and feeling their memories in her mind, she could understand his interest. What better weapon for a devil... a tool that shared its gruesome stories with its victims while they waited to die?

She was so fascinated and repulsed by these thoughts that it took her several moments to notice that Mirage had stopped gathering items. He was only staring at her, grinning. She trembled and felt the hair standing up on the back of her neck. She whirled around, drawing her sword and raising it barely in time to stop the descent of a broad serrated blade. She continued to fight off attacks from the unusual weapon while backing toward Kal Mirage, drawing her attacker out of the narrow doorway.

He was a dwarf... or she thought he was. He was severely deformed and extremely old. Fortunately he was also half asleep. His movements were sluggish and slow enough for her to easily defend herself. She had a moment to wonder why Mirage had allowed her to keep her weapon, but decided only that he saw her as no threat. And why should he? She had presented herself to him on the Gallant Prince as a willing sacrifice. But now, the clash of metal against metal and the graceful response of her own muscles as she defended herself were awakening her will. The knowledge of her own worth grew along with her will to survive.

As the dwarf craftsman came more fully awake, his weapon seemed to awaken as well. Joraina gasped with terror as her mind was filled with images of the blade, coated with blood and gore as it slowly sawed its way into the throats of innocents... images of such graphic detail and violence they made her nauseous. She could feel the will and power of the dwarf coming to life as he fought. And the room was filled with the sound of laughter. Mirage and the dwarf laughing in unison.

Jo fought to push the sounds and images from her conciousness. She tried to imagine the beauty of Camelot instead, the warmth of her family around her... and most of all the sound of Sir Vinman's voice, calling to her on the Gallant Prince when Mirage had first taken her. "Joraina, I love you. Step from this Kal Mirage." She could feel these things for a moment but they slipped away, replaced by the sound of metal shrieking against metal, horrible laughter, and the images of that weapon, chewing its way through flesh and bone, coated with blood. She started to scream, and felt blessed relief when her screams drowned out all other sounds. The laughter stopped and she remembered the dark whisper of Kal Mirage when they first entered the house... "Close your eyes."

She closed her eyes and stopped screaming. A dark calm enveloped her and she fought by instinct, only knowing that each blow was countered when she heard the clash of the metal. With her hysteria defeated, she found herself thinking in a cold and removed manner... Yes, he's an artist... but this imagination can not be permitted to live.

She heard a heavy thump and the clash of metal ended. She opened her eyes slowly to the sight of the dwarf craftsman lying dead on the floor with her gleaming long sword impaling his thick chest. She stepped on his gruesome sword and pulled it from his twitching hand with her boot, kicking it across the floor through the narrow doorway. She grasped the hilt of her own sword and wrenched it from the body. She felt a strange repulsion at holding it, as if it was now contaminated with memories of this evil place, like all the weapons that lived there. She wiped the blood on the dwarf's black robe, reminding herself that her long sword had saved her life... and that it had been a gift from someone who had surely never been touched by evil such as she had just witnessed. Sheathing the sword, she backed away slowly until her shoulders bumped against Mirage's chest. She whirled around to face him and he glared down at her, his expression a mixture of fury and... something more frightening... pleasure. A choked sound escaped Jo's throat and she realized she was beginning to sob just as the back of Mirage's strong hand slammed across her cheek. The same hand that had held hers, guiding her through the woods in the dark, smashed into her cheek again and again until the floor rushed up at her and she fell into grateful oblivion.

She drifted in and out of conciousness, but she was definitely awake when Mirage slipped the ring onto her finger. She had looked down at it on her hand and she knew immediately where it came from. The dwarf's house. Mirage slipped the ring on her finger and left her on the Gallant Prince. She fell asleep again and awakened much later with a resolve to forget all that had happened. She set out for her ranch in Longsaddle to clear her mind and consider what penance would rescue her from the memories forever.

Joraina awakened in her own bed in Camelot, covered with sweat and gasping, as she had awakened nearly every morning since the KORT Ball. As she bathed and dressed, she remembered how she had begun her deliberate "forgetting" on the road to Longsaddle after she left the Gallant Prince. By the time she arrived at the ranch, she was oblivious to the presence of the ring on her finger. Even better, sleep brought a vision of her beloved uncle, Jerrod, who delivered a kinder explanation for the ring, a meaning that she could cling to.

"Keep your SPIRIT, Jo. Guilt and shame can not be allowed to consume your talents. I'm not sure you were ready to receive the second ring so soon... but the decision has been made. The ring is in your possession. So you must BECOME worthy."

Only Aldrous knew the full story of what had occurred during her second encounter with Kal Mirage. She had spilled the story to him when he came to retrieve her from the Darron Ranch. After telling it once she had felt confident in her ability to put the memory out of her mind and accept the ring as another gift to her from her uncle. Besides, she truly believed in the vision. Whatever the evil origins of the ring, she was meant to have it. She felt sure of that.

"So why haven't I told anyone?" she asked herself as she packed a light bag for her day's travels. In fact, her family had asked no questions when she returned from Longsaddle with Ald. Perhaps they sensed her shame and assumed that her second encounter with Mirage was her private guilt to be borne alone and hopefully forgotten. The first time Vinman spoke to her after she returned, his voice was filled with concern and yet his words relayed a guarded respect for her privacy. And she had been grateful for that. It had seemed so easy, describing the events to Aldrous. Although she had only a slight understanding of the taint that scarred Ald's life, she suspected that the evil of the dwarf and his weapons paled in comparison. Ald was no stranger to the touch of terror and evil or the darkness that cowers in the hearts of the good. He had accepted her story with solemn nods. She wasn't sure that anyone else could hear the story and not think less of her. And she knew she would not be able to bear it if Vinnie ever looked upon her with shame or distrust.

Since the night of the Ball she had often felt an obligation to tell Vinnie what had occurred. And she suspected it was her guilt over not telling him that produced the dreams. As she climbed onto her horse and left Camelot, a plan was already forming in her mind. If not for the ring, there would never be a need to tell anyone. If she could return the ring, or destroy it, there would be nothing left but her memories. And the memories were only vivid when she slept... they always faded with daylight. If ridding herself of the ring relieved her guilt, perhaps the dreams and the memories would die as well.

With these thoughts in mind, she directed her horse toward the Neverwinter woods, where she had never once travelled alone. The ring seemed to pulse and vibrate on her hand and she avoided looking at it. Deep in her heart she felt that Vinnie would forgive her for the circumstances that brought the ring into her possession. What she truly feared was that he would not understand why she still wore it. Each time she passed Kal Mirage in Triboar and endured his smirks and sarcastic greetings, she wondered herself why he had given her the ring and why she had kept it. But she would remember the vision of her uncle, telling her that she was meant to have the ring and she must become worthy of it... and she would be unable to throw it away. Vision or no vision, all evidence seemed to suggest that the ring was born of an evil imagination... and she was afraid to allow Vinnie to see how much she longed to keep it.